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Can a parent be blamed for what they don't know?  If a father molests his daughter and nobody tells the mother, is the mother blameless?  If a young brother introduces a younger sister to sexual intercourse and no one tells the mother, is the mother blameless?  Is there truly some sort of built-in radar that comes with childbirth that automatically tips a mother to what is going on in her own home if all other family members are determined to hide it from her?


I asked myself all those questions and more when I finally found out what went on years after the fact.  Perhaps I never would have if my son were not such an ass that he bragged about having learned how to F... by practicing on his sister.  This when they were both adults and hanging with the same crowd. 


Needless to say her hatred for him was hard for her to overcome.  Not for what he did as a child.  Where we lived at the time swapping little sisters with your friends was an everyday occurrence.  But what did I know?  Nothing.  I was hiding from problems of my own.  The brother/sister thing happened during one of many periods when I hated my husband more than words could express.  However, five children are a bit of a stumbling block for divorce.


Why did I hate him?  That is/those are a story/stories for another time.  There was only once that it had anything to do with this particular subject.  I didn't find out about him and our daughter until after she had forgiven him and he was beyond all sexual activity.  All I know about it is that their father/daughter fishing trips which I always thought of as so precious were not all about fishing after all.  There was a different sort of bonding going on of which i was completely unaware.  Should I feel guilty?  I don't think so.  My daughter apparently does.


Her common comment is, "You weren't even there when you were there."  This is, in a sense both true and untrue.  Being unhappy, I hid within the ancient world of the novel I was creating but I was always willing to be interrupted if any of the children had anything to say.  The fact that none of them were forthcoming with this information may not leave me blameless but it certainly leaves me without guilt.

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